Why I No Longer Say, “Happy Memorial Day!”

Why I No Longer Say, “Happy Memorial Day!”

I’ve been guilty.

I’m a good patriotic southern girl with a firm respect for our military, but it didn’t hit me until last year that the words “Happy” and “Memorial Day” should never coexist in the same sentence.  

why I no longer say

I was at a family member’s BBQ.  A wonderfully kind and compassionate family member was gravely bothered. Someone had called her out for saying “Happy Memorial Day.” She was concerned she had offended someone.


I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry about it. They are just being overly sensitive!” I assured her.

And I went back to watching my kids splish and splash in the blowup pool.

But I couldn’t brush the issue aside. And neither could my other family members. We debated and quickly realized the error of our collective ways.

For thirty-two years I  gorged on hamburgers, devoured home-made ice cream, and wake boarded and tubed all day long on the river. As a show of respect for the day my Dad always purchases a brand-new American flag to proudly display on our dock.

It is a day where we enjoy our freedoms. And let people know that we love America.

But I’d never really  paused to consider what Memorial Day is truly about.

The full gravity and solemnity of this day , the day set aside to honor the men and women who died in combat,  had somehow escaped my consciousness.

My Poppa was a WWII veteran. He lied about his age when he enlisted so that he could serve the great US of A. He was the youngest Sergeant General in the Army.

He never really wanted to talk about his time of combat. He once confided in me that still, at the age of 80, he’d wake up with nightmares. He was stationed on the European front. Normandy. The Rhine River. Concentration Camps. I can’t imagine the atrocities he witnessed.

My great-great grandfather was a WWI veteran. I have tattered postcards that he sent my great-grandmother while he was overseas. In one of them Grandpa Tite wrote that if it hadn’t been for a field of turnips he would have died of starvation. That’s right. He stole turnips from a farmer so that he could live. I can’t imagine the atrocities he witnessed.

A young combat veteran, who did time overseas in Iraq, recently approached me and told me how hard Memorial Day is for him. How immensely uncomfortable it makes him for people to thank him for his service. He’s home now with his family. But he lives with the vivid memories of his colleagues and superiors dying in combat. Dying to save him.

I can’t imagine the atrocities he witnessed and now can’t forget. “Don’t thank him,” he implores. Instead remember the fallen soldiers and their families.

He says, “Thanking a combat veteran on Memorial Day has always seemed awkward and somewhat hurtful.”

And then I see the images, floating around social media, of young widows- with clenched faces- lying on blankets atop the flower-covered graves of their husbands. Some of these women have babies in their laps- babies that will never see the face of the very father who died protecting all of our freedoms.

And just this morning I read brutally raw and honest commentary, published by the Chicago Tribune, titled I’m a veteran, and I hate ‘ Happy Memorial Day’. It’s powerful stuff. Read it.

I get it now. I’m sorry veterans and family members of the fallen.

I shouldn’t have ever said it.

I’ll say it all day long on the Fourth of July. I’ll thank you on Veterans Day. But today I’ll refrain from the word…because…

There is no “Happy” in “Memorial Day.”

It’s a day of TRIBUTE, REMEMBRANCE, & HONOR.

Memorial Day is a day where we should pause, pray, and give gratitude to the 1.3 million brave men and women who have died to protect the very freedoms that we are privileged to enjoy on this beautiful day.

So in addition to all the fun and revelry in which we partake….let’s stop and remember.

 

The National Moment of Remembrance Act

On Memorial Day, at 3PM EST, take a moment to stop.

It’s a time that is set-aside for us all to pause, reflect, and honor all the brave men and women who died in service.

 

 

 

 

About Sarah

Sarah Philpott, Ph.D, is the author of the award-winning book: Loved Baby: 31 Devotions Helping You Grieve and Cherish Your Child After Pregnancy Loss. Her newest release is The Growing Season: A Year of Down-on-the-Farm Devotions. Sarah lives in the south on a cattle farm where she raises her four mischievous children and is farm wife to her high-school sweetheart. Sarah is founder of the Loved Baby support group and #HonorAllMoms Mother's Day movement. These days Sarah happily chooses to be a stay-at-home mom and spends her days cleaning up peanut butter & jelly off the counter, dreaming of traveling the world, and chasing her children around the farm. She doesn't believe in sharing desserts. Life is too short to share chocolate! Sarah is a lover of coffee (black), rocking chairs, the outdoors, and Hemingway.

4 thoughts on “Why I No Longer Say, “Happy Memorial Day!”

  1. Sarah, as always you have said it beautifully. Thank you for all your wonderful words. You always make me think. Peggy

  2. I, too, have often struggled with what to say when heading out of work on Friday afternoon, looking forward to a long weekend. Many of my associates wish each other “Happy Memorial Day”, but I have never felt comfortable saying that, so I simply say, “Have a safe weekend”. To appropriately honor and remember those whose lives were taken by war, perhaps “Have a good weekend and remember the fallen” would be a better response. While people mean well by honoring all military personnel and veterans on Memorial Day, it is a special day set aside for those killed while serving.

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